I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
porn star boner night. come get it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
