Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
