just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
