youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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