Who wears a wallet chain?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
