The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
