I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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