I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dignity is for republicans.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
