just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
