the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bring me that man meat
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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