Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
