if you like me you must not know who I am
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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