Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
