yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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