you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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