I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
