I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
