omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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