There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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