You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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