i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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