Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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