rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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