The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
