just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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