areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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