I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
