youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
