If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
