Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize