Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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