Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
