Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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