So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
