he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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