shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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