Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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