I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize