Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
