First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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