I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
