My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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