:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
