I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
