i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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