so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
