When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
