We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
