I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
