I am in a vortex of obligation.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
