She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
