Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
