it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
