Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
