Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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