I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
