Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
