I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
