this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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