the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
