The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
