This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry about my life...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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