gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
