everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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