This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
