Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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