just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
