i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
