What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
