so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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