i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
