i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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