were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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