She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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