Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
