I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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