Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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