Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
