last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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