in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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