Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
