Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
