i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
