He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
